Life is Fragile

Today, I found out that one of my good friends from high school's father passed away.  He had stage IV melanoma for only a month.

I've been reminded lately how fragile life can be; cancer recently took the life of my Aunt.  And after yesterday's tragedy in Connecticut, I'm feeling an abundance of sadness.

Tomorrow, however, I will be strong for my friend because I know what its like to lose your father.  I know what it's like to be in college and far away, and I hope she got all the opportunity in the world to see him before he passed away.  I know that those moments can't make up for a lifetime that will be lost; for future moments that won't happen now.

I'm feeling down as well.  This man was very into participating in the things that his kids loved, like winterguard and marching band.  Everyone knew him and he was always working for the crew.

So tomorrow, it will be hard.  But I hope I can be strong.

How to Not Behave When You Have a Boyfriend

First off, I'd like to note that, no, I'm not jealous of my friend.  In fact I find it quite hilarious and also sad that she is acting like this.  On another, I hope this is a learning experience.  I've definitely learned from watching this event on the outside.

Lemme give you a few fake names here.  First we're going to talk about Bee, one of my friends.  She's getting a little far off my bff platform (I'm an INFJ, there's a large void where friends should exist, coating a small but wonderful inner circle and surrounded by a sea of acquantainces which haven't attempt to cross the void yet) and well Bee just got a boyfriend.

I cannot correctly say this is her first, but I can say if it isn't it has been a fairly long time since the last.  Bee is my age (senior) and her new found love is a sophomore.  They've been dating for around 5 or so weeks now.  For the most part, I have no idea what's going on except for the bit I hear in some context when my friends who live with Bee talk about this situation or when she talks about it.

Now, as an INFJ, I process facts a bit differently.  I can tell when people are lying or somehow construing reality in their favor.  So I've been processing a lot about this and its been burning me to know that my friends, who live in the house with Bee hardly see her anymore.

I never understood why a girl feels the need to throw themselves upon their man every second they aren't engaged in otherwise "important" situations (studying for Bee), and ignore their girlfriends.  Seems like a pretty crappy way to treat those that want to hang out with you too.

But Ame, you're just saying this because you are upset about the situation.

No, I'm not.  I hardly see Bee anymore so this is no different than any situation, though I do believe she asked me if I was going to ballroom one night just so she would know if she'd be introducing her boyfriend to another friend.  I politely said no because I had no intention of going, much less to meet the person that is taking time away from her other friends.

Here are some of my beliefs

• First off, I can't support a relationship that moves that fast, especially for someone I know to be quite, err, shall I say "innocent"
• Second, technically, I believe, like muscles, friendships require maintenance.  If you treat them poorly, you will anger them or even lose them
• Third, I would not expect friends treated like that to support you.  Meaning, when your man hurts you and you come crying back to them, they'll probably be somewhat thankful, cause it means they get to spend time with you.

I'm not saying my friends believe this, it is of course just my opinion.  Since I'm out of this social situation (and very glad not to be there but will still support my friends) I can't say what anyone else feels.

I just want one thing to be taken away from this: Your boyfriend may be the new greatest thing to happen to you.  Losing yourself in his world is not a way to live.  Unless you know you are going to be with him forever, at some point you will get in a fight, have a disagreement.  At some point you will want to talk to those people with whom you live.  You will want them to take your side and be sincere.  So if you are spending ever other minute with him, think for second: how many times have you actually spent time with the people you call friends lately?  If you can't answer with a relatively good positive number, maybe you should decide to take some time away from boy and spend with your plethora of friends.  Have a girls' night out once a week or a girls' night in.  Tell them you won't talk about your boy toy and that you just really want to spend time with them.

You'll probably wonder if this actually has any benefits for you.  You'll be happy to know it does.  Here's a list:

• You will be able to maintain your social skills (you can't improve them with one person)
• Your friends will feel the love (if you don't care about them, that's sad, and I feel more sorry for them)
• Your friends will be more likely to accept your relationship in a positive light
• It's healthy for you to maintain good friendships.  You won't want to tell your boy everything, trust me.

Finally, your friends will have more positive feelings towards your boyfriend.  You want them to like him too.  If your girlfriends don't it's a sign you are mistreating them, or they know he's mistreating you.  They have good judgement.  Don't you want to be able to bring him to social functions as your plus one without your friends fearing it.

I know it sounds a bit selfless, but how is it any different than giving all your time to your boyfriend?