And that is all I did.
And I only had 4 minutes to blog.
And my internet died, so this my daily blog post
Sometimes, I'm not interesting and I'm sorry about that.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Today
Today is the day that I wrote a lab report all day, then drew some, then played Portal some, then discussed values with someone some.
Regarding Nightmares
I am known to have an astounding memory. When they say people remember around 20% of your dream in the first five minutes of waking and even less after that. Well, either I just have really long dreams or just a vivid memory but I tend to remember much if not almost all of the dreams I have right before I wake up in the morning. Some of those dreams begin as pre-lucid dreams and finally in the later moments, I realize I'm dreaming and am able to control them/wake up from them. Most of the time I consider the dreams I can remember a blessing and they've often been premonitions of what was coming in the future (which I may elaborate about in another post) but this morning I awoke 10 minutes before my alarm went off due to a significantly bad nightmare.
Since I hate divulging full contents of dreams, I shall modify the story a bit, mostly cause it involved some very real people in my life. I can actually make a mostly true scenario using other people in my life technically.
Anyways, this dream began in far off dream land. Like all dreamers, I can never pinpoint the start of the dream but the location of this dream changed quite a bit and assumes many things:
The middle of the story, in which I start knowing the scene involves me and a known female friend. We are chatting it up in a class about something or other and she mentions that she has asked this guy to go out with her. In this story, though I know the guy in real life, in my dream, I seem to only be acquainted with him, but I seem to like him as well. She then proceeds to tell me that he hasn't given her an answer yet, which made my dreamself a little hopeful, I think.
The day continues with me seeing said acquainted guy in another class (random). Again, I don't remember how I ended up from point A above to point B, but I did. He begins to tell me about how my previously mentioned female friend asked him out. That's great. My dreamself remains calm during this scene so I only distinctly remember him saying that he was thinking about saying "yes." Cut to scene 3.
Scene 3 is finally the one where I consciously knew what was going on. I proceed to leave the school setting to head for my car. As soon as I get to my car, I spot the pair making out and suddenly I'm regretting not telling this guy I like him too. I literally bolted out of my dream and I woke up crying.
Now this seems pathetic, but despite the content of the dream, it was rather relevant. I also didn't like waking up sad and crying. I felt rather pathetic right at the beginning of the day. Do you ever have nightmares that feel physically and emotionally real that when you wake up you feel exactly like you did in the dream? I absolutely hate when my semi-lucid dreams are nightmares.
Since I hate divulging full contents of dreams, I shall modify the story a bit, mostly cause it involved some very real people in my life. I can actually make a mostly true scenario using other people in my life technically.
Anyways, this dream began in far off dream land. Like all dreamers, I can never pinpoint the start of the dream but the location of this dream changed quite a bit and assumes many things:
- It involves two real friends of mine and several nameless projections of whom I don't know but are assumed to also be my friends
- It takes place first inside a school setting, then leaving that school setting
- Aside from my friends being real people, they didn't seem to maintain their traits, which is good, I suppose.
- Also, let's assume this is high school. Since it seemed like a one building deal.
The middle of the story, in which I start knowing the scene involves me and a known female friend. We are chatting it up in a class about something or other and she mentions that she has asked this guy to go out with her. In this story, though I know the guy in real life, in my dream, I seem to only be acquainted with him, but I seem to like him as well. She then proceeds to tell me that he hasn't given her an answer yet, which made my dreamself a little hopeful, I think.
The day continues with me seeing said acquainted guy in another class (random). Again, I don't remember how I ended up from point A above to point B, but I did. He begins to tell me about how my previously mentioned female friend asked him out. That's great. My dreamself remains calm during this scene so I only distinctly remember him saying that he was thinking about saying "yes." Cut to scene 3.
Scene 3 is finally the one where I consciously knew what was going on. I proceed to leave the school setting to head for my car. As soon as I get to my car, I spot the pair making out and suddenly I'm regretting not telling this guy I like him too. I literally bolted out of my dream and I woke up crying.
Now this seems pathetic, but despite the content of the dream, it was rather relevant. I also didn't like waking up sad and crying. I felt rather pathetic right at the beginning of the day. Do you ever have nightmares that feel physically and emotionally real that when you wake up you feel exactly like you did in the dream? I absolutely hate when my semi-lucid dreams are nightmares.
Friday, September 14, 2012
On Indiana and Autumn
If you haven't figured out my location yet, I obviously live in Indiana. It's regarded as the Crossroads of America. I have almost no idea why except that the Old National Road runs through Indiana and many different interstate highways connect there. I've been an Indiana resident all my life.
Indiana, like many midwestern states is known for it's inability to maintain constant weather conditions for more than a day or so. Nevertheless, I've grown to like one particular season in this state, and since today has been quite chilly and cloudy, it reminds me why I love autumn.
Autumn is like a blessing for me each year. When I was in high school, I participated in color guard during the marching band season. Marching band starts in early June and ends around the end of October. The summer months are usually horrendous, with July being the worst. We practice out on hot black pavement, holding metal poles of flags (which can get very hot as well) and water breaks never seem to come when they should. But once school starts and practices are moved to the evenings and fall weather takes over, most, if not all the practices are generally pleasant. Occasionally a thunderstorm gives us the chance to head inside early or keep us from marching, but that is also a blessing and a good chance to practice for variable weather changes at competitions.
Being in college, and no longer in color guard, has also led me to love autumn even more. I go to a large university which has almost as much green space as it does base square feet of buildings. My walk to class is usually about 10 or 15 minutes and a good amount of that involves walking into the wooded areas around a part of campus where the university isn't really allowed to cut down trees. The original owners of the land wanted the green space maintained, so if a tree was cut down, two more had to be planted on campus. This has been upheld many times while I've been here. Indeed, when last summer (2011) had a slew of bad storms tear through campus, downing a few trees, the university made an effort to replant twice that many trees on other parts of campus. I love walking through the parts of campus where buildings are hidden by trees; it's very relaxing and unstressful.
Indeed I cannot wait for fall to hit fully, because though it's nearly mid-September, the leaves have not yet begun to fall from the trees. Hopefully that begins soon, because I love crunching through leaves and watching the chipmunks and squirrels dig around in them for food. Crunchy leaves are possibly my most favorite object of fall. I also look forward to the chilly weather and Thanksgiving and it's passing into winter. It yields to hot chocolate and for Starbucks fans, pumpkin spice lattes and warm pie. Just writing about fall is making me more excited for what's to come.
I hope all of you have a wonderful fall season, whether you're in school or marching band or just looking forward to a change from the hot summer.
An Autobiography
In an analytical list form so I can avoid correct grammar and writing structure.
Name: Michelle
Internet name: Amethyst or Ame, or whatever really
Birthday: Good ol' Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th
Hails from: A midwest state known for it's limestone and corn
Occupation: Semipermanent Student (I have 6 more years ahead of me)
Favorite color: Purple, if that wasn't definite from the title, internet name
Other languages: Sarcasm (mostly fluent), German and Japanese, though I'd love to learn Russian, Italian, Korean and proper British English
Okay, I see this isn't going to work. I'll try this writing thing properly.
I was born in a suburb of the large city that hails as the capital of the state of corn and limestone. There I learned the ways of being me. I went to preschool and kindergarten as Christian private schools. Despite my lack of religious affiliation, I still remember many songs fondly and I can still recite Psalms 23 for the most part. I went to an elementary school with was shaped like a circle; it was easy to get lost if you weren't used to it. It was in 4th grade that I fell in love with the instrument known as the violin and I began to take lessons that year. Sadly, for the most part, the only thing I remember well from elementary school was Sept. 11 2001, which occurred in 5th grade. I do remember my best friend moving my 6th grade year to Arizona. I'm happy to say, she and I still remain in contact through the powers of Facebook.
It was after 7th grade that I managed to change schools 3 times for the next three years. I attended the local junior high school for 7th grade and then my family moved to a tiny white bread town just north of aforementioned capital city. There I attended 8th grade in their single middle school and the following year began high school. My 4 years of high school were all the mix of hormones, confusion, rage and awesomeness that many teenagers will reflect later. It was in high school that I learned to be me or to finally be me. I learned not to be controlled by others. It was in high school that I learned to only keep few close and keep everyone at arm's length. It seems selfish, but it works for me and people have to do what works for them. I also learned in high school how much I love chemistry. I'm sure sometime I will talk about my chemistry history, which is a story in and of itself.
Finally in the spring of 2009, I graduated from white bread high school with a GPA of like 3.7 and now I go to a diversified college. I was happy to get away from the white bread town though getting away from my somewhat ok home life was harder.
In the fall of my sophomore year of undergrad, my father passed away. I call him my father because dad sounds like it meant that I was close with him. However, over the course of several years (many of which I didn't really notice at first) he had managed to create a void between us. It's difficult to talk about, because on one hand, someone always wishes for the perfect parents and we want people to redeem themselves and I will never have that but at the same time, he created so many problems that I was kinda okay with it all. Either way I felt, that year sucked, majorly. My GPA fell and I was struggling to make it in the world of chemistry and college. I got some spring back when I finally found a position in a lab. I work with a wonderful professor, whose love for organic chemistry and how it relates to the human body is evident in her work and her love for teaching comes out when she manages to tolerate three undergrad students at once.
That brings me to the present. I am a senior and I will be applying for graduate school, soon, I hope. I have not narrowed my list down to schools I can go to and where I'd like to locate myself in this world. But I'm sure that will all unfold.
Name: Michelle
Internet name: Amethyst or Ame, or whatever really
Birthday: Good ol' Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th
Hails from: A midwest state known for it's limestone and corn
Occupation: Semipermanent Student (I have 6 more years ahead of me)
Favorite color: Purple, if that wasn't definite from the title, internet name
Other languages: Sarcasm (mostly fluent), German and Japanese, though I'd love to learn Russian, Italian, Korean and proper British English
Okay, I see this isn't going to work. I'll try this writing thing properly.
I was born in a suburb of the large city that hails as the capital of the state of corn and limestone. There I learned the ways of being me. I went to preschool and kindergarten as Christian private schools. Despite my lack of religious affiliation, I still remember many songs fondly and I can still recite Psalms 23 for the most part. I went to an elementary school with was shaped like a circle; it was easy to get lost if you weren't used to it. It was in 4th grade that I fell in love with the instrument known as the violin and I began to take lessons that year. Sadly, for the most part, the only thing I remember well from elementary school was Sept. 11 2001, which occurred in 5th grade. I do remember my best friend moving my 6th grade year to Arizona. I'm happy to say, she and I still remain in contact through the powers of Facebook.
It was after 7th grade that I managed to change schools 3 times for the next three years. I attended the local junior high school for 7th grade and then my family moved to a tiny white bread town just north of aforementioned capital city. There I attended 8th grade in their single middle school and the following year began high school. My 4 years of high school were all the mix of hormones, confusion, rage and awesomeness that many teenagers will reflect later. It was in high school that I learned to be me or to finally be me. I learned not to be controlled by others. It was in high school that I learned to only keep few close and keep everyone at arm's length. It seems selfish, but it works for me and people have to do what works for them. I also learned in high school how much I love chemistry. I'm sure sometime I will talk about my chemistry history, which is a story in and of itself.
Finally in the spring of 2009, I graduated from white bread high school with a GPA of like 3.7 and now I go to a diversified college. I was happy to get away from the white bread town though getting away from my somewhat ok home life was harder.
In the fall of my sophomore year of undergrad, my father passed away. I call him my father because dad sounds like it meant that I was close with him. However, over the course of several years (many of which I didn't really notice at first) he had managed to create a void between us. It's difficult to talk about, because on one hand, someone always wishes for the perfect parents and we want people to redeem themselves and I will never have that but at the same time, he created so many problems that I was kinda okay with it all. Either way I felt, that year sucked, majorly. My GPA fell and I was struggling to make it in the world of chemistry and college. I got some spring back when I finally found a position in a lab. I work with a wonderful professor, whose love for organic chemistry and how it relates to the human body is evident in her work and her love for teaching comes out when she manages to tolerate three undergrad students at once.
That brings me to the present. I am a senior and I will be applying for graduate school, soon, I hope. I have not narrowed my list down to schools I can go to and where I'd like to locate myself in this world. But I'm sure that will all unfold.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
An Introduction
If it wasn't apparent to anyone ever in my life, most people know that I do in fact hate talking about myself. Some people will go, "No, no Michelle, you talk about yourself all the time, especially about your art." And yes, that's true, I, like most artists, can talk about my art. But other than that, I fail at writing any such essays or applications which involve me listing my merits and personality, because altogether, it seems very false.
I do enjoy writing though and sharing things that I love, and that is what I want Amethystinus Aether to be about. I want it to be an inside view of things I find to love and wish to share; like my favorite music or the journal I happen to be reading about in chemistry recently.
You'll find I'm quite paradoxical in nature and that is because I generally think in many situations, I use both sides of my brain. My left brain loves chemistry, it loves the mathematical and analytical sides of art and the world and my right brain is the creative one; it applies what ideas it has to ever part of my work.
In that sense, I'm both a scientist and an artist. And those two things blend very well. It takes creativeness to find new things in the world of chemistry and for me, it's takes the analyticalness of my scientific side to properly draw figures in art. It is difficult for me to speak about a one true passion. The truth of it all is that I'm very passionate about both chemistry and art, and those two worlds are hard to maintain in balance with each other.
On one hand, there is my chemistry. I became interested in it in my junior year of high school, after finding I had a knack for understanding it's basic principles. While now I realize I'm average at best in chemistry, I still love it and I want to continue studying it in order to find a fulfilling career that helps people, be it at a pharmaceutical company or some other industry job. I've learned several things in my time in undergraduate studies in chemistry: 1) I do not like organic, no matter how much my adviser encourages it 2) to get a good career in chemistry, you have to have a masters or Ph.D. and 3) I'm in love with chemical interactions that occur in the body. I'm sure as this blog progresses, you will learn about my time applying to graduate schools, since I'm a senior, and that is my main plan straight out of college.
And on the other hand, I'm obsessed with everything art. I've drawn all my life, I dance and I've played the violin. I love looking at art and being involved in it. It's something I hold dear, just as much as chemistry, but because it will never be my career, it often sits on the back-burner. I'm fortunate to find time to participate in ballroom dance and draw almost every week. But I haven't picked up my violin in several years, except to tune it and play short tunes. My drawing style is manga illustration. While I mostly do fanart, I do have quite a few original characters involved in an original story tentatively dubbed "Omega" and I wish to get the comic off the ground soon. I'm also trying to change my style to something less manga-like, with realistic eyes and noses and lips. When I took a drawing class in college, I adored doing figure work, I even took the time to go to free figure drawing sessions on some evenings just because they were offered for free. In keeping art a hobby, I hope I will be able to expand my appreciation for it as well as continue learning at my own pace and not feel obligated to change at the rate I'm sure most artists do.
So sometimes, I am the best of both worlds, however, I have a feeling this year chemistry will take over and in graduate school it shall reign supreme. I will try to keep my art appreciation and love alive despite that. I hope that this blog can display both of those worlds. I love sharing interesting things in both art and chemistry. And I hope you will continue to follow me here on my journey through life.
~<3
I do enjoy writing though and sharing things that I love, and that is what I want Amethystinus Aether to be about. I want it to be an inside view of things I find to love and wish to share; like my favorite music or the journal I happen to be reading about in chemistry recently.
You'll find I'm quite paradoxical in nature and that is because I generally think in many situations, I use both sides of my brain. My left brain loves chemistry, it loves the mathematical and analytical sides of art and the world and my right brain is the creative one; it applies what ideas it has to ever part of my work.
In that sense, I'm both a scientist and an artist. And those two things blend very well. It takes creativeness to find new things in the world of chemistry and for me, it's takes the analyticalness of my scientific side to properly draw figures in art. It is difficult for me to speak about a one true passion. The truth of it all is that I'm very passionate about both chemistry and art, and those two worlds are hard to maintain in balance with each other.
On one hand, there is my chemistry. I became interested in it in my junior year of high school, after finding I had a knack for understanding it's basic principles. While now I realize I'm average at best in chemistry, I still love it and I want to continue studying it in order to find a fulfilling career that helps people, be it at a pharmaceutical company or some other industry job. I've learned several things in my time in undergraduate studies in chemistry: 1) I do not like organic, no matter how much my adviser encourages it 2) to get a good career in chemistry, you have to have a masters or Ph.D. and 3) I'm in love with chemical interactions that occur in the body. I'm sure as this blog progresses, you will learn about my time applying to graduate schools, since I'm a senior, and that is my main plan straight out of college.
And on the other hand, I'm obsessed with everything art. I've drawn all my life, I dance and I've played the violin. I love looking at art and being involved in it. It's something I hold dear, just as much as chemistry, but because it will never be my career, it often sits on the back-burner. I'm fortunate to find time to participate in ballroom dance and draw almost every week. But I haven't picked up my violin in several years, except to tune it and play short tunes. My drawing style is manga illustration. While I mostly do fanart, I do have quite a few original characters involved in an original story tentatively dubbed "Omega" and I wish to get the comic off the ground soon. I'm also trying to change my style to something less manga-like, with realistic eyes and noses and lips. When I took a drawing class in college, I adored doing figure work, I even took the time to go to free figure drawing sessions on some evenings just because they were offered for free. In keeping art a hobby, I hope I will be able to expand my appreciation for it as well as continue learning at my own pace and not feel obligated to change at the rate I'm sure most artists do.
So sometimes, I am the best of both worlds, however, I have a feeling this year chemistry will take over and in graduate school it shall reign supreme. I will try to keep my art appreciation and love alive despite that. I hope that this blog can display both of those worlds. I love sharing interesting things in both art and chemistry. And I hope you will continue to follow me here on my journey through life.
~<3
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